“No Sticks, No Carrots, Just Love.”

In this time of giving, my thoughts stray to Santa’s list of who’s been naughty and who’s been nice, who’s getting coal in their stocking and who’s getting their hearts’ desire, all wrapped up in ribbons and bows under the yule tree. Let’s take a fresh look at this through two lenses: Marshall Rosenberg’s nonviolent communication and Alfie Kohn’s unconditional parenting. We’re so accustomed to sticks and carrots that it might surprise us that their long-term effect is almost universally negative – what is the alternative to this instrumental approach? The answer: a relational approach, an unconditional approach, in short, love.